Marriage Advice from Senior Couples: What Still Matters Decades Later

Important marriage advice for an excellent relationship includes treating each other with kindness and being appreciative. Make sure to have a life outside of your romantic one to maintain a balanced lifestyle.

The early years of marriage are filled with exciting milestones and events, making certain aspects of your marriage vows less relevant. During such exciting times, when you both have your health and a long future ahead of you, it's easy to be there for each other. But when couples get older, life gets more challenging.

For couples here in Lawton, OK, the secret to long-term partnerships often means getting back to the basics. Most marriages are based on trust formed because of how you treated each other, and during difficult transitional periods like retirement, those fundamentals come back into focus. Here's key marriage advice from seniors in great relationships.

Treat Each Other With Kindness

One of the most important aspects of marriage is treating each other with kindness at all times, even when there's disagreement or when your spouse has made a mistake. Of course, successful couples also know that such goals are a perfect standard to aspire to that few will ever achieve. So when you do lose your temper and snap at your partner or treat them unfairly, you should always apologize, even if you still feel you were in the right regarding the issue at hand.

Successful marriage also means trusting that your partner has good intentions. When you see disrespect, it's often a reflection of your own internal feelings.

Marriage works best when you're not looking for any excuse to fly off the handle and take out your frustrations. But you shouldn't be kind to the point that you leave important things unsaid when you don't address your concerns. Small issues like small talk when you're trying to read a book can boil over into a serious conflict.

Whatever the issue you're dealing with, you should always treat your partner with respect and communicate thoughtfully.

Appreciation Is Key

Seniors who've enjoyed and sometimes struggled through decades of marriage and come out the other side tend to realize that appreciation is one of the best things that helps their spouse through a difficult and tiring week. Often, it's recognizing the little things that matter for emotional support in aging.

Here are some senior relationship tips that can help you show appreciation to your partner in the right way and help you with staying connected in marriage:

• Notice efforts, not outcomes: Sometimes, your partner might fail due to external factors, but that doesn't mean their contribution shouldn't be recognized.
• Be specific: Saying something like, "Thank you for collecting my medication for me," demonstrates that you're paying attention.
• See the invisible: Spouses often take things like planning and remembering dates for granted from their partner, so learning to recognize these efforts and telling your partner how much you appreciate them will always brighten their day.
• Appreciation isn't persuasion: Having ulterior motives makes your efforts seem like manipulation rather than true appreciation.
• Consistency is key: you don't need to make grand gestures here; consistent recognition every day works better than making a grand speech once a month.

By demonstrating that you see and appreciate the efforts your partner puts in, you can keep the spark in your relationship alive through your senior years. On the other hand, if you neglect this crucial responsibility, your marriage can turn cold, and you might start to resent each other.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do People Get Divorced Post Retirement?

Yes, people do get divorced in Western life, so much so that there's a specific term for senior divorce, which is grey divorce. According to stats from Brown and Lin, published in The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, a large proportion of divorces now involve an older adult. About 36% of people who get a divorce are over the age of 50.

Here are some of the main drivers of this great divorce:

• Retirement and seniority can expose or worsen long-running problems in the marriage.
• People have higher expectations for personal fulfillment, and there's less stigma associated with separation and divorce.
• Later-life couples often face high-stakes financial challenges and disagreements about how and when to spend savings.

How Can Senior Couples Argue Less?

When you experience the shift from spending a few hours a day together to being in the same room 24 hours a day, it can lead to one or both partners feeling micromanaged and overwhelmed. Here are a few ways senior couples can address this.

First, establish boundaries. Couples should set clear times or establish signals when each partner can have some alone time or rest without feeling like they're neglecting the marriage.

Secondly, diversify social circles. After losing work colleagues as a source of social interaction, a spouse might start relying exclusively on the partner for social interaction. This puts an unfair burden on the marriage, and by having a rich social circle, you avoid putting everything on one person.

Another way to argue less is to get out of the house. Spending all day together in the same room can feel frustrating. Partners could try getting out of the house for exercise or socializing individually.

Such solutions are an important part of helping each partner remain individual and help them to recharge their social battery.

Take Heed of This Marriage Advice

Anyone expecting retirement to be a romantic fairytale will be disappointed. Things like financial strain and an unprecedented amount of time spent together constrain even the strongest marriage. To accommodate love and aging, it's always important to follow our marriage advice.

Couples who move into a senior living community together can often address weaknesses in the relationship in a constructive way. However, if you feel drained from being stuck in the same room all your life, you would benefit from the varied activities and interactions that are possible in communities like Morada Lawton.

We're committed to helping our residents achieve the best possible lifestyle by providing them with a caring professional team that's available 24 hours a day. If you're interested in learning more about what our supportive, pet-friendly community can do for you or your partner, contact us today, and let's arrange a tour.